I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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