This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
