she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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