I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
