Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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