my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
