my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
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Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
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If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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