my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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