Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
