Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Pants are for mortals
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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