last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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