this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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