Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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