My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
