if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
