the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I want to fling myself into the sun
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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