My sheets look like a crime scene.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
