I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
