girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
