turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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