dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
