Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
