I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think i peed on brittanys purse
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
