You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Randomize
