Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
