Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
