life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
