You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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