its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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