dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
my shit smells like andre
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
