dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
