ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
