My liver just broke up with me...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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