I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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