My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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