She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
