How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
