Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize