Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
