Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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