Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
