Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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