the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka?
Forever.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize