Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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