Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My life is pants optional.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
