I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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