M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
