no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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