You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm always down for nudity.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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