I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
