There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
