A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
