Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
