Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Sext me about skeletons
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize