who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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