I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
