i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
