that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
