If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
