Non-Jews are for practice
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
