You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
