My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i love accidental penises.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
