Porn is love you can see.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My ass is underappreciated
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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