i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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