he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
