The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
