this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
