Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
