Soap is not a condiment
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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